i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
