Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You made out with two different species that night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
