He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
