did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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