there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
