I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
