its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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