we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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