just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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