So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
