Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
