Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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