You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
