She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
