i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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