obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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