I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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