Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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