my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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