You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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