I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
