shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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