people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
