I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
