Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
