nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
