It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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