you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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