Im at strip club and am horny
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
