9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
