I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
