somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
