sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
