he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
