New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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