nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
