Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
