I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who put my cat in the fridge?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
