Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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