my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
