Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
