It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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