.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
