I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
