she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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