girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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