forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
