and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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