I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
