Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
