im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
