She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
