I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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