if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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