Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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